Calm

   Surgery is scheduled (in 2 days) bags packed, lists made, in-home care arranged, sitters scheduled.
I am ready to begin the next chapter.  To be cancer free and begin my recovery.  I have been blessed abundantly by family and friends with meals after surgery, multiple offers of help and most importantly with prayer.
  
 This experience has been surreal and sometimes I just know it isn't really happening, but it is and I have come to accept it.  Really I am ready to be done with the whole ordeal because I am having quite a bit of pain.  It feels like pain that is trying to kill me and I know after surgery the pain will represent the life I get to keep living.
  
 I feel surprisingly calm moving closer to my surgery date.  Sure I'm scared and I cry sometimes, but I mostly cry when I realize that I am loved and do not have to do this on my own.  Thank you so much to everyone who has been standing with me through this.  I am ready to look forward and I pray that I can stay strong.